It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
