I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
