she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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