Barsexuality is the new black.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
