I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
