So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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