if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
