fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize