Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
