Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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