Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
