My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
