They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
