i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
