I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize