Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
