dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize