Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
