I feel like abortions should bother me more
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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