I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
