so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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