I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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