i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
