Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
