I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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