He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
