He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
