currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
