it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
