My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
