You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
