Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
there is puke in my bra ... again
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
