Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
