I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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