People with herpes should wear stickers.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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