apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
