Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
