I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
