can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
