9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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