I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
As shirtless as possible
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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