I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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