i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
