from now on my penis is your penis
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
soo... how was my night?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize