found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
