Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Randomize
