my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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