He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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