i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
