You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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