She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
