Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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