Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
