I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
