my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
