I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
