she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
