I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize