Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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