Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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