I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
