Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
