Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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