Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
